A Letter To A Loved One
by BritishSweden
Summary: Set between series two and three. Sherlock was gone and John wasn't coping well. He had turned to alcohol but it wasn't helping. He decided that he would finally read it. Bad, bad summary... Anywho, I hope that you enjoy this one-shot! xx


_A Letter To A Loved One_

_Author Note: This is the piece that I have written for my English exam. Just wanted to post this quick one-shot adn share it with all of you and my followers and favouriters! I hope that you enjoy it! xx_

I was on the drink again but it still wasn't getting any easier to bear.

I kept trying to drown my feelings but the sea of despair that I was swimming in wasn't helping me to forget anything about him. The way his eyes lit up and shone like perfect droplets of rain; the way he would laugh and make me feel like nothing would ever get to us. The way he made me feel was indescribable and I was quickly discovering that there was nothing I could do to even begin to let him go.

As I slammed down the bottle of god knows what alcholic beverage, I turned to look at it again.

I still hadn't touched it since the day Sherlock died. It's edges were crinkling slightly from being sat near the window untouched. The solvent had long gone and the lip of the envelope blew steadly in the wind that whistled through the slightly open window. The looped handwriting of the man that I loved perched beautifully on the browning paper of the envelope that held his last words. The words that he had written down and left for me; the last things that he ever wanted me to know and all I could do was stare at them.

I felt so stupid. He was gone and I was incapable of reading one single letter. I should have read it 100, 1000 times by now; absorbing every word and letting it take me back to times that I'd spent with him. I shouldn't be sitting with glasses surrounding me; my mind numbed by alcohol.

I don't want that. He wouldn't want that.

Slowly, I began to stand. I remembered everything that Molly had said when she left me it: about how he had said that I should open it when times were hard or I was thinking about giving up.

He always did know exactly what I was going to do.

The draught slid over my arm gently as I reached out for the letter. I drew back. Suddenly I wasn't sure that I could do this anymore; I couldn't do this anymore.

I span briskly on the spot and looked away from the window towards the rest of the flat. It was littered with his possessions: books on anything and everything; his laptop laying dormant under a pile of paperwork; his clothes that he left for the laundry that last morning. It was all so hard to think about -how normal everything had been on his last morning-.

It was never going to go away, was it?

Rushing to the window, I took the letter in my hands and stroked it gently with my thumb. He had used the stationery that I'd got him for the office when we had first met. I small smile crept unexpectedly onto my face as I ran a gentle finger over the blue, slanted writing.

Turning the envelope over in my hands, I looked at the letter hiding inside. This was it. I held the letter between my thumb and forefinger with a grip so gentle that anyone would have thought I was handling a single petal. The letter slid out slowly with the whooshing sound that he loved so much.

I placed the envelope on the table beside me and held the paper gently in both of my hands.

I closed my eyes and took in a shaky breath before slowly unfolding the last words of my beloved.

**OoO**

_John,_

_By the time you are reading this I won't be there and believe me when I say, out of this whole ordeal, that is the hardest thing to think about; not seeing you again. Not being wrapped in your arms knowing that I'm safe when you are near; not being able to ever see your smile again. I hope that you find someone else that can make you smile._

_It was one of the many things I loved about you. The way your mouth curled at the edges and those small crinkles appeared around your eyes. You deserve to be happy._

_I know that you have questions but I beg that you not ask them. I wish that I could have told you everything down to the last detail and then maybe you could understand why I did it. But I can't. I would lay awake, night after night; a war waging ferociously inside me. I could never tell you._

_I didn't understand myself at first. There was always a way out -you had taught me that- but no matter how hard, how desperately I tried to find it... It didn't seem to exist._

_I couldn't face you; not when I promised you that I wouldn't leave you; not after I knew that you'd been left before. _

_I don't want to think about how I've hurt you, how much pain I have caused. I know that we only had a few months together but I felt enough love for you that it may as well have been a lifetime. You made me feel loved; like I had something, someone to live for. _

_You may feel hate towards me and that's completely understandable. If you do then all I can say is that I will always and forever love you. You changed everything for me and in me and all that I can ask is that you are happy. Find someone else, move on but please, never forget me. I know that I will never forget you._

_I love you John Watson._

_Sherlock._

_Author Note: So, what did you think? In my actual piece I changed the names so John was Hamish and Sherlock was William. Ahhhhhh fun times!_

_I'm really glad that this English exam came up because otherwis this idea would have been set back a lot because I've been thinking about it for a while but I've been really busy so it just didn't happen._

_Anywho, If you enjoyed it then give it a favourite and I would love to read what you thought about it so please leave me a review! I will love you forever promise! If you like the writing style then follow and/or favourite me as an author. Recently I am/ have been working on a sherlock story called 'Child's Play', A Destiel (Supernatural) story called 'Do You Love Me?' and another Supernatural story called 'Little Angels'. If you like the sounds of the titles then I would love for you to check them out!_

_Also, if any of you have any story ideas or just one-shots that you want brought to life then I would love to give them a go. Review this story or send me a PM and I will have a look and write it up for you!_

_For now, however, adios amigos! xx_


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